Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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