I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
