Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Randomize
