Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
