there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Farmville is her only friend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize