Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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