toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
