I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
