I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize