idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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