Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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