I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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