I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
