she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
