Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
