On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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