My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
