Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
