they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
