Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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