Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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