Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So squirting runs in the family.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
