Swine flu. Run for my life!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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