you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
