And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
