fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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