Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
