I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize