perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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