Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
