Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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