Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
