Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
