Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
