Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
