Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
