So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
