p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
