i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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