Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
