dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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