Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
