I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize