best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
