JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
