he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
