either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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