I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
MIDGETS
????
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize