apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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