I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
