I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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