We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
