i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
