They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
