I haven't been this sober since birth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
