the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
