you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
