Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
