So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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