You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
