The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
