Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
