i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
