listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
