We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
