I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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