Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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