It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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