Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
