Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
